The End of it All

*Lets out a deep breath*

I completed my first year of teaching...successfully!? :D It is often strange to come to the end of something - life moves, slow-fast, up-down in a particular direction and coming to the end is almost like hitting a wall: registering in the brain as a shock and sudden stop. It was so strange to all of a sudden be finished: grades in the gradebook, students in my office saying good-bye, end of the year meetings, and discussions of next year. I am so thankful for the journey that this past year was, and thank those of you who have been my companions - reading my blog, e-mailing me, and sharing your own pictures and stories. Updates have not been as regular as I would have liked, but I hope that you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing!

The school year ended quite well, and felt very rewarding (and exhausting!). I see so many successes and some failed experiments when I look back on this year, but have learned so much - especially that big rewards often come fromt he most unlikely places. On the second to last day of school, six students from my fourth year British Literature class crowded into my office, and with smiles - and a hint of embarassment - presented me with a blue, slovakian stickered frisbee that they had all signed. I was blown away, and so touched. Out of all my classes, theirs was the one that was hardest for me at the beginning of the year: they were the class that stared. I would often finish a class with them and just need to sit for a couple minutes, very aware that not only had I been talking to myself for forty-five minutes, but that the continual silence, not answering questions, never having an opinion, and never volunteering was starting to unnerve me. There was one girl in class who would speak, one girl whom everyone looked to for participation, and if she didn't speak, the classroom was silent until I cut in. I analyzed this problem, analyzed my approach, analyzed the students in the class, and nothing made sense except that I was doing something terribly wrong....but what? The answer came unexpectadly in class one day. We were doing a project: they had their partners, and then just needed to pick their topics. I was at my dest, pen poised, names inked on the page, just waiting for them to pick topic A or topic B....and they silently stared. I was beyond frustration, beside myself, with my mind racing of what I could do, were my instructions clear, do they understand the topics, when the voice of the class spoke up. She simply said: "professor: could you let us think about it, and we will get back to you tomorrow?" *lighbulb flashes* That was it? The answer was so simple? I was so concsious of class wait time, but what they really needed was extended, out of class time to think. I began preparing questions ahead of time, giving out reviews far in advance, and letting them take their materials home and bring them back in a day or two. The change I saw was amazing: the students had voices! and personalities! and opinions! oh my!! And they quickly went from being the class I understood the least, to the class I understood - and even enjoyed - the most; little victories that made a huge difference in the way I connected to them and the way they could connect to me.

The end of the school year marked victory, reflection, and a time for decisions about the future to be made. I have decided to return to Slovakia for another year. This past year has taught me sooo much, continuing another year will give me another chance to invest in the school I teach at and explore Europe a little more. I have also come to realize that one year is such a short period of time. I have spent the past year meeting people, investing in and learning about a school, and getting to know students, that to go away would seem hasty and incomplete. Returning to the Lyceum for another year will give me a chance to enjoy the road I helped pave last year (and hopefully know what is going on a little bit more :).

I sit here, enjoying the Colorado warmth and dry heat, and wonder what next year will be like, and if I am making the right decision, and what life would look like if I stayed in the states. I felt so called to go to Slovakia last year, and certainly feel like I was rewarded for following the call. The decision this year was more difficult. I feel so attached to Slovakia, and that there are so many loose ends that would be left if I didn't return. I still feel called, but in a different, more comfortable sort of way, and i guess i become wary of comfort. I will definitely need prayers and continued support, and thank all of you who have continually been donors and sowers.

Again, thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, and thank you for following what has been the biggest journey (so far) in my life! God bless!

Maika